Bridge to Innocence..
Distance & time determines destination, while experience adds the most meaning. How could any progress be celebrated without it’s starting point? Innocence is so significant, it is both our starting and end point in life. Although experience is crucial, innocence keeps you anticipating optimistically.
“You can lose your house, yet innocence remains your home”
Often mistaken for “naivety”, many feel they must trade their innocence to become wiser. Through bad experiences we shift our focus on disappointments over blessings and become bitter pessimistic and doubtful. Through challenge, we should reinforce, not abandon our dreams. We must find solutions for success over concessions to celebrate our problems. Ideally, innocence and experience must be within reach to strengthen another. This is why an important bridge in our minds needs to be built and traveled continuously.
Consider distance and time-water, symbolizing life. Let’s associate innocence and experience as our two bodies of land facing another across our newly built bridge. Being able to freely travels from either side is invaluable. I call this my “Bridge to Innocence”. Both sides are linked through:
Engineered to maintain and reclaim innocence regardless of age. Let’s look at a specific story and see how this newly built bridge brings new life back to someone quite remarkable…
One of our greatest anticipations is becoming an adult, with all the newfound freedoms around self-discovery. After Josh graduated high school, his parents decided to move from Idaho to Arizona. Josh wasn’t happy with the hot weather, big city life and really missed the “small town” feel. After 5 months, he decided to move back to his home state with his uncle, whom he was always close with. His uncle was a well-liked radiologist, former navy medic, football coach and boy scout leader. It was an added bonus that Josh’s two cousins were staying there as well. One, a step cousin a year younger and the other-5 years younger as his uncles only biological son.
Josh started drinking alcohol prematurely to cope with depression and being bi-polar. While he was searching for a job in his new home, he began to drink out of both depression and socially with his uncle and step cousin. It all seemed casual to Josh, until he recalls blacking out one night. He didn’t wake up with a hangover, but his naked uncle hanging onto him. Josh felt, “at odds with himself” being completely grossed who this other person was and at the same time raised to respect elders. Josh’s uncle was well-versed in manipulation and shifted the blame on him stating, “alcohol brings out your truest self”. There were a few incidents when Josh’s uncle let himself into the bathroom while he was in the showering and used his hands on him. His uncle would coldly say, “don’t be a bitch if it hurts, you know you like it”. These situations reoccurred a few times until Josh finally got a job at and worked the overnight shifts. This prevented him from drinking and being around his uncle in such vulnerable states. Ironically, Josh’s felt more trapped within his newfound freedom. After saving money for 8 months, Josh moved into into the home of his grandmother’s brother.
During a phone call between his great uncle & grandmother, Josh overheard something peculiar . Out of curiosity, Josh looked up his local news & discovered a headline: “Local Man Arrested for Molesting Minors”, with his uncle’s picture. It turned out that after his uncle was arrested from one incident, news spread fast around the small town and many people came forward from his coachings and boy scout tenures. Josh felt powerless, as he never reported his incidents to ba nyoneand became suicidal. In fact, he even tied a noose in the woods and right before following through, thought about all the people he would hurt and instead, sat there cried by himself for a few hours.
Josh enrolled into therapy for 9 months. Although his counselor helped prevent Josh from revisiting suicidal thoughts, he still didn’t truly feel alive either. He spent the next 3 years in a state of aftershock. His greatest psychological scar was not being able to get rid of the feeling of uncle’s facial hair rub against him. Ironically, josh referred to them as “whiskers”, as its’ easy to associate that his uncle acted like a ruthless animal. This is when our paths crossed and Josh bravely came on-air with me.
After Josh told his story I asked few more questions to properly prepare my advice:
Q: What was your Uncle’s sentence and how many years?
A: “My uncle was charged with 8 accounts of pedophilia and 30 years to life”
Q: Is there anyone in your family that is still in touch with him?
A: “Yes, my Grandmother does keep in touch with him through letters, although she hates him for what he has done”.
Q: How do you feel about the resolution so far?
A: “I sometimes wish there was no justice system, so we can take care of things ourself”.
MY INITIAL THOUGHTS:
Josh came on-air with a warm smile & candidly talked about his horrible experiences, which despite the circumstance showed extraordinary strength. He was very excited to patiently reply to every question & comments from my audience.
A. “BRIDGE TO INNOCENCE”
Until our session, Josh’s was trying to forget his uncle, yet his facial hair “whiskers” and lingering resentments were still tormenting him. Problems never get resolved by ignoring . Josh needs to finally do something bold & meaningful to trigger his empowerment.
Since Josh’s Grandmother still communicates with her son via written letters, Josh must now write his ultimate “declaration of independence” to go with his grandmothers letter. The main points of that letter are summarized below in PART B
This letter will finally give Josh a sense of genuine control after all these years
This letter will provide an overdue sense of resolution. Additionally, it will release most of his anger productively.
Writing his messages and putting everything in their will bring additional strength into his life, knowing he was able to overcome something so unpleasant. Every challenge going forward will be minute in comparison
Josh will then focus on his big 3 remaining goals in life and enjoy accomplishing them with his clear state of mind to appreciate all his blessings
In his letter, I recommend that Josh should write:
i. Start by saying how much you used to admire your Uncle and reflect on best childhood memories together. (Not only will this soften him up for the contrast ahead, but assure he will read the entirety).
ii. Mention directly how it completely disgusting & unforgivable how he touched you. Put your uncles words back in his face!!
a. “Alcohol brings out your true self”: Tell him that it only revealed more about him as grotesque pedophile with no morality. Mention, how you were just a young man and he had no excuse for his deliberate manipulations. Mention that your true self, is now writing these words to tell him cowardice wimp he is for taking advantage of you and all the other kids.
b. “Don’t be a bitch if it hurts”: tell him he is much lower than that word, as the ones who molest are complete garbage. State to him that “You must not like being stuck in prison and getting your butt kicked, well it’s your turn to take the pain, by the way “Don’t be a bitch if it hurts, you are so messed up as a person, I’m sure you will like it”
iii. Mention the reason you are writing this is to finally assure overdue closure and to let his uncle know to never try to communicate with you now or if he ever lives to get out of prison
iv. Let your uncle know that this letter is helping you move forward past his abuse and will now living you life, while he can only exist behind bars for the rest of his in punishment
v. Get every piece of anger off your chest and mention anything else you feel would complete your letter.
The circle of life must begin and end with innocence for a peaceful completion. Besides our overall lifespan, their is also a circle of life within every idea . The best closures are done benevolently. Our souls can’t rest, even when alive and separated from our innocence. This vital passage between innocence and experience is your “Bridge to Innocence” . From here on in, let innocence be your compass through experience.
If you would like to speak with me on air, book your session here:
If you would like to send Josh a personal message, show support , feel free to post on his on dedicated forum here:
Thank you so much Queen.